I know a song about a weenie man with a weenie stand that I learned when I was in Miss Crumback’s grade 3 class in 1958, and I still remember the lyrics to the song.

I woke up this morning, and that was the tune I had running through my head.

Maybe I had a dream about Miss Crumback, the prettiest teacher I ever had in school.

Although I had a ‘crush’ on this teacher, I was only eight years old in grade 3, so I was unaware of the birds and the bees.

I was never told the facts of life as a youngster – because my dad refused to – although I remember my mom arguing with him that it was his responsibility.

I remember my mom telling my two older sisters about the facts of life, and she used a magazine story and the accompanying pictures as a learning device.

At the time, they were sitting around the kitchen table, and the door was closed to prying eyes.

So I opened the door and caught them viewing a photo in LIFE magazine, but I couldn’t see the actual photo they were looking at.

However, I don’t think I was old enough to understand the connection between the ‘boner’ I used to get and what caused it because I was still a few dreams away from puberty.

If this were an adult-only themed website, I could write a dozen stories about boys, boners, and ‘choking their chickens.’

Danny, I hope this story is not going to be about your weenie!

~ Spanky

No, Spanky, and who told you it was small?

Anyway, back to the weenie man who had a weenie stand song.

The lyrics went something like this:

I know a weenie man,

He has a weenie stand,

He sells most everything

From hotdogs on down.

One day, I’ll join his life,

I’ll be his weenie wife,

Hotdog,

I love that weenie man!

~ Unknown

I also remember a few things about that grade 3 class, namely:

• Miss Crumback was blonde
• Eric Nichols was in my class
• Eric ‘Nic’ and I were best friends in high school
• Doug Bidgood, who lived across the street, was also in my class
• Scot S. sat in the front of the classroom and picked his nose a lot.
• I remember he grossed Miss Crumback out when he ate what he picked
• Miss Crumback got married during the year and became Mrs. Lymer
• Not sure if Lymer is the correct spelling
• She and her husband lived near the Oshawa airport, off Rossland Road

Although I used to like eating hot dogs, the best weiners were from Schneiders.

It was the only brand that my mom would buy.

Blue Jays baseball fans can buy Schneider’s hot dogs for a dollar (aka loonie) on Loonie Tuesdays at home games in the Rogers Center in Toronto.

Although it has been several years since I attended a Blue Jays game, I am sure the price for a hot dog was at least five loonies ($5.00).

On July 18, 2023, they sold a record 75,173 hot dogs from an attendance of 42,680 fans.

That’s an average of 1.7 hot dogs per person.

In the early 2000s, Eric Knogler, one of my customers and friends in Saskatoon, told me that his class took a tour of a meat facility that produced weiners when he was in school.

But when he saw what went into weiners – he never ate another hotdog again!

And neither have I.

If I attend a future baseball game at the Rogers Center on a Loonie Tuesday, maybe I’ll stand on one of the tables and recite the Weenie Man song lyrics.

Note – My voice is no longer coherent, so I won’t try to sing the song.

However, here’s a YouTube version of the song:

I once wrote a story about my first visit to Wreck Beach, a world-famous beach for nude sunbathing, and it featured a picture of me naked.

So, if you’re not squeamish, here’s the photo:

Mine is not visible in the photo because my knee hides it. LOL

You’re never too old to play with your weenie – if you can find it!

UPDATE: August 20, 2024

A few days ago, I had an appointment with a urologist because my weenie was peeing too often.

The medication that I had been previously using was (Terazosin 5mg), which my cardiologist said was causing my low blood pressure, so she lowered the dosage to 1mg.

However, I was still peeing too often – at least once an hour!

It meant wearing Depends (diapers) if I was leaving the apartment. However, they cause the skin area on and around my genitals to chafe and become raw and uncomfortable.

So, I used Panaten Cream for diaper rash, but only when wearing a diaper.

The concern the specialist had was that my previous urologist had never tested me, so I arrived at the hospital to have him do the first test – a ‘cystoscopy.‘

I did not know what the cystoscopy involved, but I wasn’t worried.

However, after removing my pants and underwear, I put on a hospital gown and was told to lie on a table to lift my legs wide open and rest them on the stirrups.

Although the doctor assured me it would only involve a bit of discomfort, I was nervous. This was especially true because there were three nurses in the room, and I didn’t want to show any fear or pain.

“Did the nurses giggle when they saw your weenie, weenie, Danny?” ~ Spanky

Spanky – it isn’t how long it is that’s important – it’s how you make it long that counts!

Anyway, I didn’t realize that they would be inserting a camera into my weenie that went into where my bladder and prostate gland are situated.

I screamed in pain as two of the nurses held me down.

The urologist said something about my bladder and prostate, and that I would now need to have an ultrasound done on my bladder and prostate.

That appointment is for September 4th.

My weenie and I will remain positive until then and beyond.

Never give up!

Dedicated to my Weenie Weenie

I hope my stories are a gift to your head and heart.

Hugs,

Danny

Today’s tune from Danny’s library (purchased):

Come on

Does she walk? Does she talk? Does she come complete?
My homeroom homeroom angel always pulled me from my seat
She was pure like snowflakes. No one could ever stain
The memory of my angel could never cause me pain

Years go by
I’m lookin’ through a girly magazine
And there’s my homeroom angel
On the pages in-between

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centerfold
Angel is the centerfold
My blood runs cold (Woohoo)
My memory has just been sold
Angel is the centerfold

Slipped me notes under the desk
While I was thinkin’ about her dress
I was shy, I turned away
Before she caught my eye
I was shakin’ in my shoes
Whenever she flashed those baby-blues
Somethin’ had a hold on me
When angel passed close by

Those soft and fuzzy sweaters
Too magical to touch
To see her in that négligée
Is really just too much

My blood runs cold (Yeah)
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centerfold
Angel is the centerfold
My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold (Oh, yeah)
Angel is the centerfold

Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na
Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na
Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na
Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na

Now, listen
It’s okay, I understand
This ain’t no never-never land
I hope that when this issue’s gone
I’ll see you when your clothes are on
Take your car, yes, we will
We’ll take your car and drive it
We’ll take it to a motel room
And take ’em off in private

A part of me has just been ripped
The pages from my mind are stripped
Oh, no, I can’t deny it
Oh, yeah, I guess I gotta buy it

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centerfold
Angel is the centerfold
My blood runs cold (Woo)
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centerfold

Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na
(Alright, alright, one, two, three, four)

Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na
Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na
Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na–nana-na-na
Na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na–nana-na-na

My blood runs cold (Na-na, na-na-na-na)
My memory has just been sold (Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na)
My angel is the centerfold (Na-na, na-na-na-na)
Angel is the centerfold (Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na)
My blood runs cold (Oh yeah) (Na-na, na-na-na-na)
My memory has just been sold (Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na)
My angel is the centerfold (Na-na, na-na-na-na)
Angel is the centerfold (Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na)
(Na-na, na-na-na-na)
(Na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na)…

Songwriters: Seth Justman

Here are other songs I’m listening to: These Songs Will Make You Smile Today.