Originally published June 14, 2022

I used this story title to inform my readers about the love and support I received during the painful radiation and chemotherapy treatments in 2009. When I started writing a public journal of my loves, fears, cancer, and tears, I wanted to show why cancer and fears changed my life forever.

When I posted my first story in 2012, I promised it would never be about religion or politics – although writing about politics and extreme left or right-wing politicians is sometimes tempting.

For the record, I am independent.

I am not religious but very spiritual, and I believe that most organized religions have the same message – LOVE.

I do not have a favorite, and I have friends of many faiths, sexual preferences, and cultures.

When I thought about writing this story, it was one night after my recent jawbone replacement surgery.

On May 6, 2022, I had a terrible night in the ICU of Surrey Memorial Hospital and was experiencing pain like nothing I had ever had before.

I wrote about it in my Lingering On The Edge of the Abyss story, but did not go into much detail.

However, I did not think I would make it through the night on May 6th!

In 2009, when I was first diagnosed with stage three throat cancer, I was only given a 40% chance of surviving.

Later, when we were driving home, I calmly told Annette that I had never been lucky and should probably prepare for the worst.

However, the next day, when I was in the radiation department for orientation, the radiation therapist asked me how I was doing.

I told her I had learned the day before that I only had a 40% chance of surviving.

I confessed that I had never considered myself lucky and seldom bought lottery tickets.

But Vicky Grant, the Radiation Therapist, quickly replied,

“Well, then you’re in the 40% group!“

I gave her a puzzled look and left feeling numb when the orientation was finished, and I suddenly got a flash of inspiration!

Maybe I should be optimistic.

What was the point of being so pessimistic if I got up every morning believing I was among the 60% who did not survive?

I thought I would be better off believing what Vicky had told me and living every day with a strong will and determination to be among the 40% survivor group who survived.

I decided that I would be a fighter and would never give up!

And believe it or not, I know that that was how I was able to go through the painful radiation and chemotherapy treatments.

At one point, during the last week of treatment, I was too ill to continue treatments and was booked on North 51, where other people with cancer were kept.

My bed was in the middle of two women patients.

One woman was in a coma, and the other was very friendly and cheerful.

She told me that she was the original seamstress of the Vancouver Canucks hockey team.

Later that day, Dr. Christopher Lee, my chemical oncologist, came into the room, sat next to her, and explained the results of her recent tests.

He advised her that she had approximately two weeks to live, but they would ensure she was as pain-free as possible.

But she said that she wanted to die at home.

She argued her point with the oncologist, who also happened to be my oncologist for chemotherapy.

She said she wanted to be home with her cat.

She was incredibly calm, and I admired her bravery.

After Dr. Lee left our room, the lady came over to my bed and explained that she wanted to be home when she died.

She lived alone but had family who could stay with her.

She touched my arm and told me never to succumb to my illness and fight to the end!

I remember my eyes filling with tears, and I could not reply to her because I did not know what to say.

Later that day, two men came into the room to see her – they were the top executives in the Vancouver Canuck organization.

They were very nice to her and expressed how much they loved her.

I wondered if I could remain that brave and calm if I were in her shoes.

The next day, her daughter and son-in-law came into the room to take her home.

As she left, she approached my bed, held my hand, and wished me good luck.

I thanked her and promised her that I would never give up!

It has been thirteen years, but I do not know her last name.

I will do some research on Google and see if I can find out her name and where she is buried.

I would love to visit her grave and tell her how much she inspired me.

A few years later, I began volunteering at the Surrey Cancer Center, where I was treated and met my friend Norm Wolff.

We became friends, and I learned he had been a cancer patient, too – but his cancer was terminal and in remission.

Norm married two weeks later, and I missed him during his honeymoon.

He is eight years older than me and very religious.

He is also very conservative, and I am not.

But we became fast friends.

We also started buying and sharing a ten-dollar ‘big lottery ticket’ each week.

I still did not believe in luck – you must make your own luck and not rely on other people’s prayers or sympathy.

Choose to be a fighter instead!

Norm and I have been meeting for coffee every Friday morning for about ten years, and we also include a walk on the pier here in White Rock.

My Loves and Fears

I took a few days to continue this story because I was not ready to write anything.

The past several weeks have been exhausting, and I needed time to clear my head and heart.

But this morning, Annette left to return to her home in Ontario, and it was a sorrowful goodbye for Holly and me.

She really helped Holly and me during my recent surgery and recovery.

I could not have managed alone, so she saved Holly and me from being separated during the ordeal.

And that, dear readers, is LOVE.

However, not the kind of love that couples need in a relationship, but how do you spend over forty years with someone and not have some feelings in your heart?

There is no need to dislike your former partner if there was no infidelity.

Annette and I grew apart many years ago, but we were able to continue sharing the home until she retired and we sold it in January 2021.

We split the sale proceeds evenly, and she moved to Ontario to be near her family.

Her older sister, Liz, was very ill with cancer and not expected to live much longer.

Sadly, Liz passed in January 2022.

In my “Why I Did Something For Dad & Me” story, I wrote about our separation and Liz’s passing.

Regular readers know my oft-repeated statement: The opposite of love is not hate – it is fear!

I have never hated anyone in my life. I have been beaten up, disrespected, used, lied to, spoken about behind my back, and other “hurts.”

But I never hated them – I could never trust or continue being friends with them.

Trust is something that I need in a friend.

The other thing necessary is mutual respect.

If someone can disrespect you or do something that shatters your trust, it is time to say goodbye to them.

But being hurt does not justify “hating them.”

Because hate is like a poisonous toxin in your heart and soul.

It will drag you down, and then what have you gained with the hatred?

Nada! Zero! Nothing!

It is the same thing as our fears in life.

I dislike onions, peppers, and seafood, but I have no reason to hate them.

I have friends who are both straight and gay. I have friends from different races, cultures, and beliefs – but I value their friendship and love them as friends.

Some people have difficulty showing their feelings physically, but I have always liked contacting my friends by shaking their hands or hugging them.

It is my way of expressing my love for them.

It does not suggest that I am intimate with them – it is only a sincere gesture of my trust and respect.

Men, in particular, find it difficult to express themselves by hugging or telling another man they love him – but I, for one, have no problem telling any of my guy pals that I love them.

And ditto for every gal pal I know.

It is okay to fear some things in life, but please never fill your head or heart with hatred.

By the way, it is important to forgive those who betrayed you and your love immediately. It is not necessary to tell them, but it is crucial that your heart forgives them—no exceptions.

But do not ever trust them or consider them worthy friends. They will continue to hurt and disrespect you because that is who they are.

So I move on with life, without them.

Because moving on without forgiving them would be like having a poisonous toxin in your heart and soul.

Although I love my brothers and sisters, I cannot have a relationship with any of them and have not spoken to them in about six years.

But I do not hate them—and never, ever will.

I love them all dearly and forever.

The same goes for Robin, my 51-year-old daughter (born on March 26, 2001), whom I have only seen three times since she left home at 16.

She now has a daughter whom I have never seen.

Here is a photo that Robin sent me on October 31, 2016.

It is her daughter, Sapphira, and my granddaughter.

She is proof that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She and Robin look alike when Robin was her age.

Today, while writing this story, I viewed Sapphira’s photo for the first time.

It brought tears to my eyes.

Before today, viewing the photo attachment accompanying Robin’s email was always too complicated.

My reply was the last time I wrote to her (2016).

But several days ago, I wrote to her again and asked if she would like to meet for coffee.

I also explained that I would like to meet Sapphira, my granddaughter.

But I never heard back from Robin.

I am not sure if she is still married to Rob or if they are living together.

I hope she is happy and can live a life filled with love.

But I do not hate Robin and cannot force her to love me.

It is a sadness that I have carried for many years.

That is all that I have to say about Love and Fear.

Take it from an old fart – remove the word ‘hate’ from your head and heart and replace it with the word ‘fear.’

You will be much happier – trust me!

Cancer and Tears

I have already covered much of what I wanted to say in the first part of this story.

So, rather than add more verbiage, here is a video clip of my cancer story – that I have given at many fundraisers, schools, and dental study groups.

I hope you will watch it to the end.

I have been a cancer patient advocate ever since the first time I gave this presentation.

The Vancouver Terminal City Club

Another presentation was at the Vancouver Terminal Club, and it was a fundraiser for oral cancer.

I was the keynote speaker, and the presentation received a standing ovation.

There were many tears in the audience, and I felt happy that my message was well-received.

Afterward, I was asked to join a committee that included the UBC dean of dentistry, BC Cancer Agency members, and several oncologists.

I was the patient representative on the committee.

This oral cancer committee was formed to raise awareness and money for creating a next-generation cancer clinic for the poor and/or homeless people in the Lower Mainland.

The committee asked me to do another presentation at the Vancouver Terminal Club, and I agreed.

Here are a few photos of the evening:

It was my way of paying back the love and care I received during my cancer treatments and recovery.

But during my presentation that night, the emcee interrupted it because the organizer felt it was taking too long.

I left the stage and walked to the exit doors. I did not want anyone to see my eyes filling with tears.

I broke down and cried like a baby when I got to my vehicle.

And all the way home that night, I cried.

Maybe I felt sorry for myself, but I felt that cancer patients were betrayed that night.

I was disrespected by the top management of the BC Cancer Agency, so I resigned from the committee the next morning.

I still cry, but mostly when I am alone.

That might make me a wimp, but it is who and what I am.

I have never been ashamed of who I am, nor craved public attention or recognition.

However, I have been ashamed of writing something to someone I thought was interested in me.

We met a year ago, and she gave me a bottle of wine and a card.

However, when I sent her a note to meet for lunch or chat over a glass of wine, she replied that she was happily married.

I would never have sent the note if I knew she was married – because I have never dated married women!

However, my hindsight is always 20/20, and I should have known better.

So, in closing, never give up hope, and try to love as much as possible!

And do not worry about shedding a tear – because it comes from your heart!

UPDATE: July 1, 2022

Holly Golightly has been quite sick the past few days.

She has also had diarrhea, which does not seem to improve, so I have an appointment with the vet at 10:30 a.m.

She’s lying beside me, and I feel so bad for her. She’s sixteen and almost deaf but has been otherwise healthy and happy.

I also feel bad for myself – in a selfish way – because I cannot bear the thought of not having her in my life.

So, I am hoping for another miracle…

UPDATE: July 2nd – 6:30 AM

Yesterday, the vet took a blood sample, but Holly had to wear a muzzle—which I thought wasn’t needed—but the vet had noted in her file that she doesn’t like getting her bloodwork done and has previously tried to bite him.

I had never seen her getting it done before, so I was unaware of that and found it difficult to believe she’d ever bite anyone. 

But when Holly saw the needle, she became almost hysterical, and it really bothered me to see her like that. 

The doctor explained he would analyze her bloodwork while I waited, and about 12 minutes later, he said he would give her three medications with three separate needles.

Poor Holly was terrified. 

I felt so helpless, and my eyes were filled with tears – I felt like I had betrayed her!

When we got home, she never left my side – so at least I felt forgiven – but seeing my little angel in so much discomfort really shook me. 

We remained on the loveseat for most of the day and then went to bed, although neither had dinner.  

I have been up since 3:00 AM, and Holly is lying beside me as I listen to music.

I still feel guilty for taking her to the vet, but she did not think badly of me as usual and kept snuggling up to me.

I meant to update everyone about her condition, but I wanted to wait until today. 

It is difficult to imagine my life without her, and I am getting myself ready for the worst but hoping for another miracle.

She is all that I have left in this world.

UPDATE: July 3rd – 10:30 AM

Holly has not been eating much, but at least she drinks water – so she will be hydrated.

I’m giving her the meds while keeping my fingers crossed.

Today is Norm’s (the northern one) wife’s birthday.

Dorean will be 80 years old, but does not look a day over 59!

Unfortunately, I do not have a photo of her to share.

Tomorrow, my gal pal Donna Smith will turn 80, too!

I remember celebrating her 50th birthday in Moncton when I was stationed there with General Motors.

She and Garth have been among my closest friends forever!

And although Holly is lethargic and sleeping on the loveseat beside me, it is raining today, so we will continue to listen to music. I hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Here are some photos of Holly:

In closing, I want to include this YouTube video of a television show in which I was featured in March 2011.

It is all about never giving up – despite the odds.

I had not viewed it for several years and was surprised that there have been over 26,000 views!

Everyone will face a serious challenge in their life, and I have not been an exception.

Sometimes, there seems to be no end to the pain and hurt.

But there is – trust your inner spirit and live each day like it is your last.

My stories are intended to give hope to others facing similar life challenges.

My message is simple: NEVER GIVE UP!

And that, folks, is the end of this story.

UPDATE: Wednesday, October 8, 2025

I have been editing and updating some of my previous stories and came across this one about my dog, Holly Golightly. As I was reviewing this story, I noticed it didn’t have an update regarding Holly’s passing on September 6, 2023.

However, I want to share this video compilation of Holly after her surgery in September 2019 to remove some growths from her head.

Holly was also diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease at around the same time.

Here is my story about Holly Golightly’s September 6, 2023 passing.

Here are some photos of Holly’s last moments before leaving this world:

The 16 years we spent together were among the best days of my life. There was never a moment I did not feel her beautiful love.

I have had dogs before, Holly, and I loved each one of them, too. But Holly Golightly lived the longest.

How can you love one dog more than you loved the other ones?

You can’t, my friends, you can’t.

They’ll all be waiting for me on the Rainbow Bridge, along with my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, my late brother Eric (Ricky), Scotty Wheaton, Dennis Higgins, and Eric Nichols, my best friends forever.

I am crying again, thinking about Holly.

Dedicated to my Holly Golightly.

I hope my stories are a gift to your head and heart.

Hugs,

Danny

Today’s tune from Danny’s library (purchased):

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars
Were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies, my love
To the dark, and the endless skies

The first time, ever, I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hand
Like the trembling heart
Of a captive bird
That was there, at my command
My love
That was there, at my command
My love

And the first time, ever, I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy
Would fill the earth
And last, ’til the end of time
My love

The first time ever I saw. your face
Your face
Your face
Your face
Your face.

Songwriters: Ewan MacColl

Here are other songs I’m listening to: The Songs Will Make You Smile Today