Originally published March 2, 2015

Readers of this blog will remember my original ‘Moonshine in the Maritimes’ story from March 2, 2015 –  a blog that was both painful to write and impossible for me to complete its final chapter.

But don’t ask me to re-publish the original blog – I deleted it one night when I was buried in a depressed state, missing my cousin Ruthie and feeling sorry for myself.

Isn’t that why we cry?  We’re hurt and feeling sorry for ourselves – wondering how our lives will ever be the same without our loved one.

Fasten your seatbelts and stand behind the sneeze guard – this ride is about to enter a dark tunnel, and you’ll soon be trying frantically to escape before the ghosts and goblins appear from the shadows.

The Final Chapter

Sunday, November 6, 2016

The trip to Moncton, New Brunswick, to visit my cousin Ruth had initially been planned for early Summer 2016.

However, I was dealing with a medical issue (my gall bladder removal surgery), so it wasn’t until that Sunday in November that I booked my flight to Moncton.

Friends and family call her Ruth or Ruthie.

She is my first cousin on my Mom’s (Puffer) side. Her Mom (Aunt Velma) and my mom were sisters.  

We were never very close because Ruthie was ten years older than I, but we always seemed to have a special connection.

My earliest memory of her was when she came to stay with us for a weekend; I was probably seven or eight years old.

She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, except for Annette Funnicello, a Mouseketeer on the Mickey Mouse Club TV show.

But Ruthie became her replacement, and I was now hopelessly in love with a much older girl – who probably hardly knew I existed.  

And that’s how little Danny first fell in love, began to dream, and believed in the impossible.

Because sometimes, impossible dreams do come true!

Later in life, I would sometimes see Ruthie at weddings or funerals, but I never spoke to her as an adult until we met one night at her brother Terry’s house in Bramalea, Ontario, in the ’70s.  

It was a family get-together, and I, who was divorced and in my twenties, attended with my parents.

Ruthie and her husband, Mike White, stood in the kitchen with a crowd, laughing and enjoying themselves.

I told her I had a lifelong crush on her—and still do.

She giggled, then hugged me and kissed me on the lips.

I have never forgotten that moment, the kiss, and how excited she made me feel.

I also remember telling Mike, her husband, how lucky he was to have her as his wife.  

I never saw either of them again until I saw Ruthie at my Dad’s funeral in 2001. She, her sister Patty, and Patty’s husband came to the funeral together, and we sat and talked for quite a while about our lives and loves.

Once again, I told Ruthie I still had my boyhood crush on her!

A few years later, on the week that my youngest brother Randy was getting married, my cousin Patty’s husband passed away.  

Although I had only met him once – at my Dad’s funeral – he was a Newfie, and my family and I liked him.

I have many friends in Newfoundland and still keep in touch with them on social media.

So, the day after Randy’s wedding, I went to the funeral home in MisterandMissesAuga (Mississauga) to pay my respects.  Most of the Walker clan were there, but I couldn’t find my Ruthie as I scanned the room.

I was standing at the coffin with Patty, and she gave me a white rose, which she explained meant ‘goodbye.’  

That’s why I dislike white roses—some goodbyes are forever and usually follow a broken heart.  

It’s also why I’ve always been frugal when saying goodbye to loved ones.  

But as I turned to walk away from the casket, I saw Ruthie!

My heart started thumping as I quickly walked across the room to where my Ruthie stood.  

She was talking with a couple of her lady friends when she saw me and shrieked. Then, she introduced me to her friends.

Ruthie:  “This is my cousin Danny.  He used to jerk off while fantasizing about me.“

My face turned a scarlet red, and I became tongue-tied.  

What could I possibly say in reply to that embarrassing introduction?  

But without missing a beat, I shrugged my shoulders, turned to walk away, and waved, saying…

Me:  “And I still do!“

However, I don’t know why I said that because I only remember saying it.

I don’t remember whether I used to fantasize about her; as a teenager, I probably fantasized about every pretty girl I knew.

And then, I quickly ran outside to my car and drove back to my hotel in Toronto.  

We never hugged or kissed, which was a disappointment.  

The following day, I was on a plane home to Vancouver, still shuddering with embarrassment at Ruthie’s introduction.

But it made me smile and chuckle all the way home, and it made me grin again this morning as I write about it.  

I mean, how did she ever find out about my secret fantasy?

Several years later, in June ’07 or ’08, I learned that my Ruthie was now living in Moncton, New Brunswick.

I called her and told her I was planning a trip to Moncton to visit my buddies Bill, Scotty, and General.

I asked if she would like to meet me for a visit.

A few weeks later, I stayed at Allan Fogarty’s home in Moncton.

I had set up his father, Bill, as a new GM/ACDelco warehouse distributor in Sydney, Nova Scotia. Bill and I became friends, and I loved him like a brother.

Several years later, I hired his son, Allan, as one of my District Managers for British Columbia.  

Allan’s nickname is Junior. He was now married, living in Moncton, and had invited me to spend a few days with him and his wife, Jennifer.

While there, Ruthie and I got together and went out on the town, partying until the early morning hours.

At about 5:00 a.m., she came out to the couch where I was sleeping and suggested that I leave before her daughter’s family woke up (they lived in the upper part of the duplex).

Ruthie’s daughter, Jennifer, had not spoken for weeks, and Ruthie was allowed to see her two grandchildren for only a few hours on weekends.

But that night, our outing in town was like a first date, and I learned so much about Ruthie and our family’s history.  

We never spoke again until after my Mom’s funeral in September 2010, a year after my cancer treatments had ended.

And it was at my Ma’s funeral that my family learned that I had stage 3 throat/tongue cancer.

I hadn’t told anyone about my disease because I was afraid that they’d inform my Mom.  And my Ma’s health was too fragile to withstand the news.  

After Ma’s funeral, I returned to Vancouver and called Ruthie in Moncton.  

News of my throat cancer had already reached her from the family grapevine, but she still seemed surprised when I told her.

It had been less than a year since my last treatment, and I wasn’t sure about my future. 

I was still clinging to the hope that I was in the “40% Group” that survives my type of cancer. 

But I am also a realist, and I needed some basis to keep believing I would survive.

And Ruthie was just the medicine I needed!

Ruthie had battled three different cancers over 42 years – and survived!  

While I was going through my treatments in 2009, Ruthie had a part of her lung removed (lung cancer).  Forty-two years earlier, she had both breasts removed.  

She had a confident voice, and her words of encouragement were just what I needed to help me survive.

Ruthie had never given up on her decades-long battle with cancer, and I had the same philosophy: never give up on your dreams.

If you face serious health challenges, please never give up, regardless of the odds. The same goes for chasing dreams…

Never Give Up!

Dedicated to Ruthie

I hope my stories are a gift to your head and heart.

Hugs,

Danny

Today’s tune from Danny’s library (purchased):

Unforgettable
That’s what you are
Unforgettable
Though near or far

Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable
In every way
And forevermore
That’s how you’ll stay

That’s why, darling, it’s incredible.
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable, too

[Instrumental Break]

Unforgettable
In every way
And forevermore
That’s how you’ll stay

That’s why, darling, it’s incredible.
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable, too

Songwriters: Irving Gordon